I think I like Mike Guglielmucci's song Healer better now...

Danny Guglielmucci has made a statement about what led to Mike's cancer story:
http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24233308-5006301,00.html

I think I like the song Healer better now that I know it came out of a Romans 7 type struggle with sin/addiction than when it was about cancer. Certainly speaks to my life a lot more than before :-) THIS I can COMPLETELY understand. I think this situation coming out into the open is God's first step in answering Mike's prayer for healing from his sexual addiction.

I think he will look back on this time and be grateful that this became public. I think he will never forget how much damage and pain he has caused and I think it will give him opportunity to understand a fresh the grace of God towards him. This is God discipling Mike as a son (Heb 12:5-8) which is grace in itself. This means that Mike is still God's son, which makes him our brother. As the people of God I think we should seek to be a community of healing rather than judgement in this situation.

For everyone else we need to learn/remember the following things:

1. Deal with sin, don't hide it, God won't let it stay hidden for ever, so have a zero-tolerance policy towards sin.
2. Our faith needs to be based in the character of God, not of our leaders because newsbreak they are all fallible and sin, only God is 100% trustworthy.
3. Take the log out of our own eyes before we try to take the speck out of our brothers. And remember that when we think are 'standing firm, be careful that [we] don't fall!' (1 Cor 10:12)
4. God is sovereign and He will work even things like this for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)

I really feel that so much good is going to come out of this. I feel Joel 2:25-27 is a promise for those who have experienced devastation as a result of this situation. God is passionate about restoration. He is the God of resurrection, when things die/are put to death there is opportunity for God to do something unexpected and good. As a people we need to put our hope in God that He is good enough, and big enough to make something good out of this. And considering the size of the "sin impact zone", I think this could be the beginning of a big revival in the Australian church. I think this could be something that draws people away from their false idols (church leaders, prosperity doctrine, name-it-claim-it theology, prooftexting), and back into a deep and complex faith in Christ.

God bless,
Bec

Guglielmucci, Bentley & Success

It's disappointing to hear that Mike G's cancer story is a hoax. It's hard when something that looks so strong in the church is shown to be weak and sin-tainted. Similar thing happened this week with the revelations about Todd Bentley (although I have to admit no surprise on that one at all). As Christians I think we really love it when things look successful. Healer is a great song that has touched many people. Bentley's ministry looked flashy and successful. But both are now questionable.

First thing to say would be that God is entirely capable (and there is biblical evidence) for God using the ungodly for his purposes. To varying extents we are all sinful and yet God still uses us. So just because these men have been shown to be in sin does not mean that God is not at work through their ministries. I think it is illustrative that while Saul was in sin, God's anointing still rested on him as king of Israel.

Secondly, I would say that there is a problem as Christians when we love things that "look good". I think we want God to break in and establish His kingdom (and vindicate our witness) through big, flashy, undeniable displays of His power and sovereignty. I think the reason we love songs like Healer is that they do provoke deep feeling, and we think that's a sign that God is at work in a big way, and that somehow vindicates our witness. It's like evidence that supports what we've been saying. Same thing with big flashy healings. It vindicates us, brings us a bit back off the ledge, removes some of the risk of faith and witness. But I don't think that big and flashy is the way God necessarily chooses to work all the time. I think Jesus is a great example of this. He "emptied Himself and took the form of a servant", he didn't arrive as the big flashy political messiah that Israel was expecting. Instead He came and He washed His disciple's feet.

I think we should be more pleased when we see Christian leaders and the church displaying the CHARACTER of God, rather than necessarily the power of God. The power of God should be exercised in ways that are consistent with His character. I think this links in with the problems with the Church growth movement. It measures church success through numbers and tends to use marketing techniques to get people to church. I have been reflecting recently that much of what the church says to bring people to Christ sounds a lot like secular advertising. Secular advertising sets up false models of salvation. This product is going to make your life better by xyz. You are going to be bigger, better, faster, more beautiful by using product abc. This is very similar to the gospel that we sometimes preach - come to Jesus, find the purpose for your life, be happier, more at peace, God will heal all of your health issues in this life etc etc. But I don't think this is the true gospel. The true gospel is about dying, dying to self, taking up our cross and following Jesus. This is completely counter cultural, and does not look at all like the messages that we get flooded with by the world. I think the church should be functioning in ways that show this dying to self and mortifying the flesh.

The thing is that I think this is goes entirely against our ideas of success. I think our flesh loves it when we can count up church attendance and let that be a measure of what we are doing. When there are lots of people there, or lots of people buying our CD / crying during our song we see that as success, and our flesh loves it. The central point of the bible is the death of Christ--this absolutely looks like failure. The church needs to concentrate more on knowing and following Christ in His death. In the end this is all about God's glory, not the glory (success) of humans. We need to remember that His strength is made perfect in our weakness not our strength (success).

God bless,
Bec

Facing suffering and grief during divorce

There's an interesting post on the Stuff Christian's Like blog today about "Painfully named divorce ministries". I was going to post a comment there, but I got too long-winded so here tis:

I think calling divorce ministries something honest about where people are actually at is providing a service. Our society is so blaise about divorce and so ignorant about how to deal with suffering. We are taught to run from it, ignore it, put on a happy face and repeatedly say "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine" until we believe it. So sugarcoating divorce recovery with a nice title isn't really going to heal/help anyone if they are in the denial/avoidance mindset. I would argue naming ministries something like "Divorce Sucks" or "ARRGGGHH! Jesus please rapture me now!!" would be most appropriate.

My experience is you need to embrace the grief to move through it. It can seem like an endless ocean and you feel that there cannot possibly ever be an end to it. You feel that if you step into those deep waters of grief that you will be dragged along in a current forever, and that's if you don't drown. You can't see how you will ever be 'ok' ever again. Your heart feels like an onion, where the layers have been peeled away betrayal by betrayal. And you can't be sure what hurts the most, the other person betraying you, or your own failure and complicity in the failure of the marriage, or the complete sense of hopelessness you have because you don't have complete control over the circumstances and so cannot "fix it", and you don't understand why God isn't doing "more" when He so clearly states in Malachi 2:16 that "I hate divorce".

The only way to deal with it, so that you don't keep carrying it for the rest of your life, is to honestly face it. To dive right into the grief, to embrace it and face it honesty. You let Christ be the lifesaver that dives in with you and pulls you across to the other shore, remembering that "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering..." (Is. 53:3) and so He deeply, deeply identifies with our pain. More than that, He "...carried our sorrows... he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Is. 53:4-5) So we can leave all of it beneath the cross. All of our sense of failure. All of our anger and hurt towards our former spouse. ALL OF IT. This healing doesn't come if you aren't honest about it all, because if you aren't honest about it all then you cannot leave it all under the cross.

Some of the comments on the the Stuff Christian's Like post belittled people expressing their pain during divorce. This seems to me to indicate an underlying fear that the people don't really know what to do when others are really suffering in this way, they don't know how to respond, and they really really do not want to have to deal with it. They do not want their nice little world invaded by genuine hurt and suffering. This is in stark contrast to Jesus' attitude as portrayed in Luke 4 where He quotes Isaiah 61:1-2, declaring His "mission statement". This mission statement included two key phrases, "to bind up the brokenhearted" and "to comfort all who mourn". This was part of Jesus' mission, it should also be part of each Christian's mission. Divorcees are brokenhearted and mourning, and they need the love of Christ, and they need the support of the Church.

God bless,
Bec

And can it be...

I love Charles Wesley's hymn "And can it be" from 1825, something that as a mid-20s chick I may be fairly alone in, but nevertheless it moves me!

What follows is my attempt to restate the lyrics in a way that young people might more readily identify with. Musically I don't think they'd work though!!!

Is it really true that I should be richer
Because of the blood of Jesus?
He died FOR ME, even though I've caused Him so much pain
FOR ME, even though all my sins dragged Him to the grave
Whoa! Such AMAZING love! How can it be true??
That you, the one and only God, died for me????

Whoa! Such AMAZING love! How can it be true??
That you, the one and only God, died for me????
Whoa! Such AMAZING love! How can it be true??
That you, the one and only God, died for me????

He left His throne in heaven
He left freely because His grace is so huge!
He let go of everything except love,
And poured out His blood for our helpless race
It's all out of mercy, so gigantic, so free
And that mercy, that AMAZING, AMAZING mercy found me!

I lived a long time with my spirit in chains
Bound up in sin and darkness
Light from your eyes brought me back to life
I woke up, my prison cell was flooded with light
My chains fell off, my heart was free
So I left my prison and I followed you

I don't fear condemnation anymore
Jesus and all His followers are my family
I live a new life in Jesus, He's my head
I'm clothed in His divine righteousness
I approach God's throne with boldness
And claim the victor's crown because of Christ

I really love this hymn, it's so pertinent too, at this time of Easter.

God bless,
Bec

Christ preached to the dead

This semester I'm doing two subjects - Christology and Public Communications. Happily most of the assessment is presentations and reading summaries, I only have to write one essay and that's not due for another forteen weeks! SOOOO I have decided to take full advantage of the opportunity by picking the trickiest essay topic off the list, something that I'll actually have to think about, something I can get my teeth into!!

Consequently, I've picked the topic about Christ's descent to the dead. I've started reading and MAN is a literal interpretation of this AWESOME. There's this odd bit in 1 Peter 3, verses 18-21:

For Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit, through whom also he went and preached to the spirits in prison who disobeyed long ago when God waited patiently in the days of Noah while the ark was being built. In it only a few people, eight in all, were saved through water, and this water symbolizes baptism that now saves you also—not the removal of dirt from the body but the pledge of a good conscience toward God. It saves you by the resurrection of Jesus Christ

Preaching to the dead??? Weird! So far what I have read suggests the following:

• That Christ's descent to the dead is comforting, because this is part of the human experience, and so there is nothing and no where where Christ hasn't been "one of us" - so upholds incarnational theology as He did the whole lot, conception, birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, and death; so He shared in the common experience of life. Of course after all this came the resurrection, which we will all share in when His kingdom comes.

• That Christ's entering into death is life entering into death. Death is utterly conquerered because the Lifegiver has entered into it.

• That God's grace is bigger than we can imagine. We think that He can't save those who were dead, but even death cannot stop God's grace.

• It upholds Christ as the ONLY way to salvation, by giving those born before Christ the same opportunity to believe/not believe, rather than allowing that some could be saved by following the law. Eschatologically I don't think this presents many problems, presumably as long as the souls in question made their response to Christ before being resurrected and judged at the end then it would "still count"? I also do not think that this means that all the souls preached to WERE saved. If you like Arminian thinking then not all of them would necessarily have believed what they heard, why would deception necessarily end at death? It says these souls were "in prison" not that they were in the presence of God. If you like Calvinist thinking then there is no guarantee that God had predestined all of them. Further if you are a Calvinist then it shouldn't bother you so much that they were dead when they were saved -- how and when God saves is up to Him.

I got really really excited when I was reading about this the other day. It is so disappointing that this idea of Christ's descent and preaching to the dead has not been understood literally. Generally I really believe that there is NO way that we can add anything to the idea of God's grace (other than by going universalist - but then universalism isn't grace it's unjust permissiveness) the human inclination would always be to try and limit grace or make it dependent on works to make it fit the way we see life. So although I haven't finished reading or forming my thoughts on this, I would say that it probably be better to err on the side of believing that God is a loving and compassionate God who loves everyone! Those who have died as much as those who are living (and given His position sitting outside of time in eternity, wouldn't we all appear to be alive at the same time, and dead at the same time?) and wants just as much to save them as He does us?

I am also wondering whether there is a relationship between the above passage from 1 Pt 3 and the following from Mt 27:51-53:

At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.

Another weird passage. Although the timing implied in the verse is a bit weird... Did those who were raised, raise when the curtain in the temple was torn in two? And then hang around at the cemetery (or first century equivalent) until the Sunday morning, when they then went into Jerusalem? Or did they raise when Jesus rose? If so were they the souls of the dead that Jesus preached to when he descended to the dead?

This is a bit of a mess, clearly I have lots left to investigate!! But already I'm loving this new angle I'm seeing on God's grace. I find it SO easy to underestimate His grace - it's just seems too amazingly good to be true! The more I come to know Him, the MORE gracious, MORE loving I see that He is.

Jesus is amazing! :-)

God bless,
Bec

Dethroning VISA

Have you seen Fight Club? If not, I'm sorry, I'm about to ruin the ending for you!

The movie centres around one man's existential angst. He is seeking salvation from the doldrums of working for an insurance company so he can service his credit card debt, which has been racked up by having to have everything in his apartment "Ikea perfect". He meets an enigmatic stranger and finds salvation in this "Fight Club" scenario, which basically is about a bunch of blokes getting together and rediscovering what "makes them men" (aka beating the living daylights out of each other). The fight club concept grows and groups form all over the US. At the end of the movie, the fight clubs have formed a quasi-urban-guerilla-terrorist movement, and they seek to bring salvation to the US, by unseating the culprit behind the humdrum of life - slavery to the Credit Card companies. The final scene of the movie is where you see all the credit card companies simultaneously blowing up across the skyline.

This is a rather graphic illustration of what happened in my life when Jesus saved me. Up until that point I was in the grip of 'Visa' with an unsustainable debt. I placed a lot of faith in Visa, and regularly gave offerings (interest) of $150 a month to keep the religion going. I believed that "in case of emergency" Visa would bail me out, Visa would save me. But in the day-to-day Visa was just a comfort, and a way to participate in worship of the other gods of the secular world, "at no cost".

The bible says that we are the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor 6:19). In the greek there are two words for temple, and the one used in this context more particularly means "Holy of Holies". The Holy of Holies was where in the OT, the ark of the covenant was housed. The ark represented God's presence amongst His people - now this function is taken over by the Holy Spirit's indwelling of His people. No one went inside the Holy of Holies, except the High Priest once a year. Now there is a story in 1 Samuel 5 about an encounter between the Philistine god "Dagon" and the Ark of the Covenant, verses 1-4 are awesome:

"After the Philistines had captured the ark of God, they took it from Ebenezer to Ashdod. Then they carried the ark into Dagon's temple and set it beside Dagon. When the people of Ashdod rose early the next day, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! They took Dagon and put him back in his place. But the following morning when they rose, there was Dagon, fallen on his face on the ground before the ark of the LORD! His head and hands had been broken off and were lying on the threshold; only his body remained."

This is what happened when God moved into my life, and the Holy Spirit took up residence in me. All the old idols started falling on their faces before Him! One particular idol that God took care of was 'Visa'. At this point it was going to take me about 3 years to pay off the debt that I had accumulated, because I was living beyond my means, and if I did manage to pay it off in 3 years that would be without saving ANYTHING, but living pay cheque to pay cheque.

God challenged me on where I was putting my faith and my trust. "'In case of emergency', who are you going to trust to look after you? Visa? Or me?"

The Lord showed Himself faithful and gracious. This was "an emergency" or at very least a very, very nasty spot to be in. I felt so imprisoned, knowing that for the next 3 years I would be a slave until I paid off my debt. However, the Lord delivered me of that debt, I was given a lump sum of the exact amount I was in debt. So I paid it off and cut up my credit card. Since then whenever there have been "emergencies" or tight spots, He has NEVER failed to provide. In addition to that first lump sum which paid off my credit card, He has miraculously produced lump sums of money when I needed them four or five times. Additionally, before starting at Bible College, He provided a part-time IT contract role that was only supposed to last 3 months, and I have now been here nearly 2 yrs! This job just doesn't exist, He put it here for me. He has also used my lovely boyfriend to prompt me and teach me how to better manage what I have. He has also taught me to be content with what I have, because I know He is good and provides for me, however much He provides - despite what I may think - is enough to meet my needs.

God has ALWAYS been faithful to provide for me, when I have been financially responsible and when I have been financially irresponsible. This is not to say that I have been able to afford to buy everything that I WANT, but I have NEVER gone hungry, I have NEVER lacked what I needed. And this has been such a beautiful and constant reminder of the goodness and faithfulness of God.

I can testify that Luke 12:22-24, 27-31 is true:

"Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ...Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well."

We quite simply do not need to worry about these things, God will provide, because He is good, and He is our Father, and He has promised to look after us, and delights to give good gifts to His children. We just need to focus on seeking His kingdom & His righteousness.

So that is how 'Visa' was dethroned in my life. Christ set me free.

God bless,
Bec

God & Dogs

I'm not much of an animal person myself, but I did enjoy this article in The Age:
http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinion/faith-god-and-dogs/2008/02/02/1201801097274.html

Particularly the last paragraph:

As I've reflected on the relationship between Rusty and myself, it has helped me understand the relationship I have with God. This longing we have for something or someone who is ignorant of our faults is a longing for love in its deepest form. The only times I have found that in life are through relationships; with my family, my wife and my God. However many times I escape his presence to climb fences and chase metaphorical cars, God's love for me is unchanging, and no matter what I do, his love remains an everlasting love
(Jeremiah 31:3).

God bless,
Bec

A response to Philip Pullman wanting to kill God

I find the idea of trying to kill God an odd notion. That a created, finite being is uppity enough to think that he can kill the Holy, Eternal and Uncreated One is amusing. It's about as likely as an ant being able to kill an elephant just by sheer will power!!! Apart from anything else the last time we killed God, He came back to life after three days. History has proven this approach not workable!!

I think God's response to this "kill God" idea is covered in the parable of the lost son. In the parable (Luke 15:11-32) there is a man with two sons - I will paraphrase:

• The younger son wishes his father were dead and rocks up to the old man and says "Hey Dad, I can't wait until you are dead, give me my inheritance now". His father divides his property and gives the younger son his share.
• This dude goes off into the world, abandons his family, abandons his faith, abandons his country, and lives it up big time spending all his Dad's money on drugs, sex and rock n' roll.
• After a while he runs out of money and his "friends" abandon him too. He ends up having to do some pretty crappy jobs just to feed himself. When the worst comes to the worst he's working at McDonalds clearing tables, and he's SO hungry that when he takes the rubbish out he looks at a half eatened cheeseburger, that has been on the floor most of the day and has been stepped on and is all squished and longs to fill his stomach with it, cos it's been days since he's eaten.
• At this point he has an "Ah ha" moment, he wakes up to himself and thinks, at least at home his Dad always made sure that he was well fed and perhaps he can get a job in the old man's business, even if it's just as the cleaner, it'd be better than this!! Dad paid above award wages!!
• So he sets off back home. In his head he's rehearsing what he'll say to his father. "Dad, I've been a doofus. I treated you like shit and I don't deserve to be your son" As he's having this little conversation with himself, and he's still miles and miles away from home, his father is out looking for him, and sees him coming home.
• Now male ego being what it is, it's pretty weird that his father is even looking for him. The father could at this point wait until the son comes to him and begs on hands and knees for his forgiveness. He could drag that out for a while and then grudingly bestow his forgiveness, and then use his son's behaviour as collateral whenever he stepped out of line, "You ungrateful wretch and after I forgave you.... " etc.
• But no, the father loves his doofus son, and runs all the way to meet him. He's out of breath, he's sweaty and he grabs him and hugs him. The son starts his speech, "Dad, I've been a doofus..." his father cuts him off, and says to his mate that is with him, "Mate, go book a table at the steakhouse, my son is home!! We have to celebrate!" He puts a fine Italian leather jacket on him and cleans him up.
• Well you'd think everyone would be happy wouldn't you? Beautiful family reunion, just the kind of thing to make you go "aahhhh", nice hollywood ending, queue the music, roll credits. But no, big bro is not happy! He finds out about the dinner, and is cheesed off! He sits outside the steakhouse having a big sulk, "I'm not going in! Nobody can make me" he sulks.
• His father comes outside to see what's up. And big bro says, "Dad!! It's not fair!! I've always been good, always done EVERYTHING you wanted and you never took me & my mates out for a steak dinner! Yet when my idiot brother treats you like shit, spends all your money on drugs, sex and rock n' roll you accept him back and treat him like like royalty! It isn't fair!!!"
• Well the father says, "Hey, everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate because this brother of yours was lost, but now is found. He was dead to us because of what he did, but now he is alive to us again."

I rather think this illustrates rather beautifully God's position:

1. Philip Pullman can wish God dead as much as he likes, he's not the first and not the last to come up with that as an idea, God is used to it.
2. God will let him walk away and do his own thing, but He will never stop loving him, and He will never stop seeking him out. Given the chance God will welcome Philip Pullman back home and treat him with grace and honour.
3. It is really easy for us Christians to get all irate about the athiests who go off and treat God like shit and wish Him dead, but that's the older brother attitude. We should instead pray that God will find and bring home our wayward sibling(s), and when He does, join in the celebration that ensues. (I'm talking to myself here!! I'm prone to older-brother syndrome as much as anyone. I feel duly rebuked!)

God bless,
Bec

Christmas: It's about PRESENCE not PRESENTS

It's been a busy year, and the lead up to Christmas has been no different, particularly with all the Christmas shopping to be done. This year it's struck me particularly forcefully that we don't "get" Christmas anymore.

There is so much busyness around the event of Christmas that we have forgotten what it is all really about. We spend hours in the shops buying tons of presents, out of a sense of obligation because "it's that time of year", and it's expected. If you ask the average 5 y.o. what Christmas is all 99% will reply something to do with getting presents.

It really strikes me that we've got it all wrong! Christmas isn't about PRESENTS it's about PRESENCE. I was reading Matthew's account of the birth of Jesus this morning, and there is a lovely couple of verses (where he quotes Isa 7:14) that read as follows:

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel—which means, "God with us."

There it is! This is what Christmas is really about. It's about Jesus who is called Immanuel, which means "God WITH us". God's PRESENCE with us, not PRESENTS.

God bless,
Bec

Reflections on Grace & The Phantom of the Opera

Yesterday was an important day for me. It marked 2 years since God moved into my life in such a significant way that I could not continue to ignore Him and the fact that He is entitled to my love and worship. Ever since that day life has never been the same. I think there’s a really good reason why the bible refers to the process of becoming a Christian as being “born again”, because in SO many ways my life really started then. Also that image that is captured in baptism, of dying with Christ and being raised again with Him is so true. Who I was, what I wanted, what motivated me, what my core beliefs and values were have seismically shifted.

Quite incidentally I went and saw Phantom with some friends last night. Now the two things may not seem to be particularly linked, however I saw in the characters of the Phantom, Christine and the Vicomte de Chagny some pictures that say some great things about the human condition and the capacity of love and grace to free us; which illustrates much of my testimony of the past two years walking with God.

The character of the phantom is a great picture of someone who is broken. Some crappy things have happened in his life, and so he hides from life and the world, because by putting up those walls he thinks he can protect himself from being hurt. He’s different, and even around people he’s felt alone because the loneliest place in the world is in amongst people who do not ‘see’ you and do not accept you. The more isolated he has become the more his needs have ached, and so he’s buried himself in the music and in a dream of a relationship with someone who he sees as lovely and innocent. He starts in the relationship with her on the assumption that she could not love him as he is, so he hides from her too. Only showing her those parts of himself that he believes that she will find attractive. The sad truth being that the relationship can never be genuine when he is not being himself, in all of his imperfection and brokenness. But because he has never been able to address his need and his pain through conventional means he has become desperate and will do anything to have what he wants, thinking that it will make the pain go away. His behaviour becomes more and more extreme, from being Christine’s “Angel of Music” to where he tries to force her to marry him by threatening the life of the man she loves.

At two places Christine tears his mask away from him. She is actually interested in who he really is, not just the “Angel of Music” persona that he has adopted. When she does this he shrinks away from her. There’s this fear that she will reject him. Yet by not allowing her the chance to decide for herself, he in effect rejects himself on her behalf. He carries around in his head this belief that he really is not good enough. He does not allowing for the possibility that someone could love him in his imperfection and brokeness.

What is so beautiful about this play occurs very close to the end. Christine’s boyfriend is suspended from a noose, and the Phantom demands that she choose, to marry the phantom and her boyfriend lives, or not to marry him, and her boyfriend dies. Nice position to be put in, and as Christine puts it, “The tears I might have shed for your dark fate, Grow cold and turn to tears of hate”. A perfectly normal human reaction, but what follows is amazing. It is a wonderful picture of someone who out of their own human compassion COULD NOT show love or grace, but instead calls on God to help them do it anyway. Christine cries out, “God give me courage to show you, You are not alone...” and then plants a great big kiss on the demasked phantom. Not on the phantom when he’s all masked and hidden, not when he’s playing his “Angel of Music” role. But when he is demasked, and when the worst of his character and behaviour has been exposed. And what is his response? In a word, repentance. He lets them both go.

In Raoul (Vicomte de Chagny) there is a certain Christlikeness. In that last scene where Christine has to choose between a life of slavery with the Phantom versus her own freedom at the expense of Raoul's life, Raoul is entirely willing to lay down his life so that she can be free, "Don't throw your life away for my sake!" he calls out. He would rather die than have her live in darkness. And then in the song, "That's all I ask of you" the things that Raoul sings to Christine are so reminiscent of much of what scripture says:

• Walk in the light as he is in the light (1 Jn 1:7) vs Raoul - "No more talk of darkness"
• Do not fear (1 Jn 4:18) vs Raoul - "Forget these wide-eyed fears"
• He is with us (Mt 28:20) vs Raoul - "I'm here"
• He will look after us and protect us from harm (Ps 121:7) vs Raoul - "nothing can harm you"
• His word is sweet! (Ps 119:103) vs Raoul - "my words will warm and calm you."
• He has set us free (Gal 5:1) vs Raoul - "Let me be your freedom"
• He will protect us (Ps 12:7) and He will guide us (Ex 15:13) vs Raoul - "I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you..."
• He is our shelter (Ps 31:20) vs Raoul - "Let me be your shelter"
• We are safe (Ps 4:8) vs Raoul - "You're safe: No-one will find you, your fears are far behind you"

So who was I two years ago? The girl behind the mask, disconnected and hurt. Lots of little things during my life had lead me to a point where I felt completely alone and unwanted. Like the Phantom there were certain parts of myself that I let people see, only that which I thought they wouldn't reject. Like the Phantom I created alternate people to be, he was the 'Angel of Music', for me it was any number of the stereotypes of what a girl/woman should be.

Two years ago I came to a fork in the road, more darkness, or a new path. Some beautiful people saw behind my mask. Like Christine had every right to recoil from me, but instead relying on God they showed me love and grace. I could not explain it as being anything other than God, because there was no natural reason for them to love me. It revealed something of the heart of God towards me, and set me on that new path. So now the mask is off. I am broken, I am imperfect. But I am Bec. It's been wonderful to discover that I'm loved just for being Bec. And God's working on the brokenness :)

God bless,
Bec